Letting Go

Today I finally decided to clean out my office.

Now, I’ve never thought of myself as a hoarder, but judging by what I found, I may need to reconsider that position. There were remnants of forty years in the commercial door and hardware business tucked into every corner—business cards, lanyards, convention name tags, trade magazines. Even little things like lapel pins, coasters, and coffee mugs. The pile seemed to grow the longer I stood there looking at it.

And truth be told, what you see in the picture doesn’t even scratch the surface.

Which led me to a simple question…
Why?

Why do I hang on to these things? Why is it so hard to let go of a life once lived—a life where I kept my nose to the grindstone, working to support my family and build a career?

A lot of the people who handed me those business cards are no longer here. Others have moved on to different paths. And some, well… life just carried us in different directions.

But as I stood there, I realized something. This isn’t about regret.

I am retired now, and I am living a good life. Susan and I wake up without alarm clocks and without deadlines. We work on our old house, tend to the garden, and enjoy the simple rhythm of the seasons. Sometimes we travel. Sometimes we just sit and enjoy the quiet.

And there is a peace in that… a deep, steady kind of peace.

Still, I suppose I held on to all that old work “stuff” because it felt like a connection—to who I was, to what I did, and maybe even to the idea that I might need it again someday.

But let’s be honest… at seventy years old, I’m not looking to go back to work. I don’t miss the responsibility. I do miss a few of the people, but not the daily grind.

So, there it is.

It’s time to let go.

The office will look a lot better without all that clutter. There will be room now for things that matter today, instead of things that belonged to yesterday.

And maybe—just maybe—Susan won’t have to ask me, “Why do you keep all that old stuff?” ever again.

Although… knowing me, I might hang on to just a little of it.

After all, a life well lived tends to leave a few keepsakes behind.

Re-Inventing Myself?

 

The Strange Notion That I Still Need Reinventing

Lately, I’ve been carrying around an odd and slightly illogical feeling—that at seventy years old, I still need to reinvent myself.

That sentence alone feels strange to write.

After all, by most measures, I’ve already done more “reinventing” than anyone ought to be required to do at this stage of life. I’m retired. I’ve started four YouTube channels. I’ve published five paperback books. Somewhere along the way, Facebook and Instagram decided I qualify as a content creator, which still makes me laugh a little every time I see it.

In reality, I don’t feel like a creator of content at all.

I feel like a simple old man with a camera in his hand, a head full of stories, and a quiet hope that something he leaves behind might matter to someone someday—even if only a little.

That’s the part that doesn’t always make sense. By all reasonable standards, I should be content. I have a loving wife who still puts up with me. Two wonderful children. Four amazing grandchildren. And now three great-grandchildren who are already teaching me that time doesn’t slow down just because you want it to.

I am rich in the ways that actually count.

And yet, here I am—writing blog posts, filming videos, editing photos, telling stories—still chasing the feeling that there’s something more I’m supposed to do.

Maybe it isn’t reinvention at all. Maybe it’s just leaving breadcrumbs.

I still love photography. I still love the quiet moment when the light is just right and the camera feels like an extension of my hand. I still enjoy filming videos, even if I fumble through the words or ramble longer than I intended. I still enjoy writing, not because I think it will change the world, but because it helps me make sense of my own small corner of it.

Perhaps what I’m really trying to do isn’t to become someone new—but to be a little more visible before I’m gone. To leave behind a few stories, a few images, a few recordings that say, “I was here. I noticed things. I cared.”

That may not be reinvention. It may simply be reflection.

At seventy, I’m not chasing fame or relevance. I’m chasing meaning—however modest it turns out to be. And maybe that’s enough. Maybe it always was.

I don’t really know what more there is to say.

But for now, I’ll keep writing. I’ll keep taking pictures. I’ll keep pressing the record button. And I’ll be grateful for the life I’ve already lived, even as I quietly try to leave one more small mark on the world—before the light fades and someone else picks up the camera.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, you’re welcome to share your thoughts. I enjoy hearing from fellow travelers, especially those a few miles further down the road.

—Ron Howard
Simple Musings

Tempus Fugit...the older I get the faster it goes!

Well, look here. The old dusty blog is still hanging around. It's been almost a year since my last post. And to think, about this time last year I told myself that I was going to breathe some new life into the old Simple Contemplations Blogspot. And what happened? Life happened!. You're walking along, minding your own business and what happens? You get busy, you get sick, you get better, you get sick....and you just plain start to slow down. Work becomes harder. Exercise and staying fit becomes harder. Being creative becomes harder. Getting along with people gets harder. And to top it all off, you realize that you're almost 65 and still haven't figured out where you fit in.
I once had a job that I liked ( don't get me wrong, I like my current job as much) and lived in a city that I absolutely loved. Everything that I liked to do was within minutes of my home. Bicycling trails, hiking trails, lakes with swimming, and neat shops and places to eat. And what happened to all of that? The owner of the company that I worked for did what companies sometimes do....hire  a new general manager with absolutely no experience in the industry with no idea of how to do what you do....And what do they do? Instead of trying to learn about your business and processes and why you do what you do they try to re-invent it from the ground up. Forget that it wasn't broken. Forget that it didn't need fixing. Forget that they just ain't going to listen to a damn word you say because they've decided that they're smarter than you. What happens then? In my case, the rat bastard made my life miserable with his management style that consisted of bullying, badgering, cussing, and berating. There is only so much of that a person can take. But, when you get to the point of thinking that there might just be a quick way out of this misery you get a call with a job offer "back home" that literally saves your life. A good job with good people. And did I say "back home"? Yeah, back home. I had visions of reconnecting with old friends and getting closer to my family. I envisioned have Sunday dinners and family get togethers where we all just enjoyed being in each others' company. My wife gave up a seventeen year job that she absolutely loved so that we could move "back home". I owe her so much!
Well...guess what? You can't go home again. People change; you no longer have that much in common with old friends and for reasons totally unknown, family gatherings are awkward. You're the one who moved away. You're the one who had to work and couldn't always make it home for holidays. The one who wasn't always there when Mom and Dad needed help or the just needed someone to be with them. And the people who were there do remember.
I've realized lately that I just don't fit in "back home" I'm happy here but not really content. I think of running away but then there's the mortgage, the car payment, health insurance; oh yeah, health insurance! Over a thousand dollars a month just for health insurance. I'd said all along that I'd like to work until I'm 67 or thereabouts. I still like my job and it pays me well but truth be known, I'd love to retire now. Just can't afford it. I never planned for this part of my life, always going and doing and spending as if the money was just going to keep flowing for eternity. Almost 65 and not a lick of savings. How stupid is that? Man, what a dumb-ass I turned out to be....Oh well, I guess I've rambled enough....Going to go think a bit about selling this old house, take whatever profit I can get out of it and getting the heck out of here! This isn't really going anywhere so I guess I'll wrap it for now....maybe more thoughts later.